How to stop someone from intimidating you
Being the person I was, I started to try to tone down my personality.
I’d ask my date a lot of questions about his life, so that I wasn’t talking about my job or my studio apartment all that much.
(Yes, this is one of the things certain men found intimidating.) And I like these parts of myself a lot.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case for me a few years ago.
But as I got older, and the men I’d date started calling me intimidating as a way to weasel out of the situation we were in, I realized that the opposite sex didn’t always see intimidation as a positive thing.
And in talking to my queer friends, I found that this phenomenon seems to mainly occur in heterosexual relationships.
It’s an odd realization to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you.
I’ve always been incredibly driven in my career, and I consider myself moderately successful.
The answers I found were actually super enraging — especially on one particular Reddit post I’d stumbled across.
Some answered, “If she’s better looking than me,” while others brought up words like “smarter,” “stronger,” “funnier,” and “outspoken.” Women who made more money than their male counterparts, or had a better job or seemed more successful in general, were also penalized.
Instead, I decided to just be myself — loud mouth and all.
I embraced my independence, my outspoken nature, my wit, my smarts, and, also, the flaws that make me me.
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The queer men and women I spoke to had never been given the excuse of intimidation as the reason why they weren’t finding dates (though, admittedly, my findings are 100% anecdotal).